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In Presenti Amicus Tabulae Vita Adversuscaptio | A Harry Potter Role Play Tergum Tergum
Seeker of Answers
Redemption of a Potion Master
[Warded Private]
I spoke with Dumbledore night before last. Expressed to him concerns that as the war progresses these public musings, no matter how cryptic or vague, may be dangerous to every one of us. He said little, choosing instead to infuriatingly beat me at chess, and yet, I have known him long enough to understand that this silence does not mean he has ignored what I have said. Instead it will be turned over in his head, perhaps at length until one way or another he will come upon a conclusion.

Either way, it is perhaps this fear that has accounted for my silence the past few weeks. Although Raelyn's cottage is safely tucked away, hidden by spells and charms, I do not wish to risk saying too much-risk giving away our location to those who would hunt us down.

Obscurity is safety. And perhaps the events of this past year have been the direct result of too much life lived within the public eye.

Perhaps it is time to be silent.

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Current Mood: worried worried

[Viewable only by Order members]
I am uncertain how much longer we will stay in Paris. While I cannot say it is my favourite place in the world, the visit has been mostly enjoyable if at times a bit frustrating. Yesterday I stepped out of the hotel for a moment and was nearly bombarded by a Muggle with pamphlets that they were attempting to hand out to everyone on the street. I explained several times that I was not interested in their pamphlet, but found myself stuck with something regarding Muggle transportation regardless.

I have continued some research although to a lesser degree than what I was doing in the cottage. Still, it has been a productive few days if for no other reason than the need to get away was nearly overwhelming and it has been good to do so.

And now it is late and I believe it is time to retire for the night.

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Current Mood: tired tired

The relative silence of summer is almost unnerving. It is as if everyone around me has disappeared into nothingness. I have spent the past three weeks engulfed in my books and my potions, and yet there is so much more for me yet to accomplish.

Although we are away from the castle, I spent yesterday evening engrossed in parchments and books from the castle library. I am thankful that at least I can perform a shrinking charm adequately to fit those items necessary into my trunks. All things considered, I recognize that I have much left to learn. The projects and special assignments that I have taken upon myself have been far more taxing than I originally anticipated that they might be when I took them up.

And so I am left wondering why.

It is clear to me that there are important reasons for the choices I have made, and for the things which I have yet to accomplish. There is a war between good and evil and in the end, it is only the truth and those few that I have come to hold dear that matter so intensely to me. And yet, there are those among these few that I can no longer trust or speak candidly with, and that tires me as well. Although I have this suspicion that the summer is to refresh each of us, I'm finding it difficult. There are too many things on my mind, too many responsibilities that are required of me, and Dumbledore too busy to weary with the tiresome leanings of my mind. It is nothing new, after all. The insecurities, the fears, and the worries remain the same. They may shift slightly from time to time but the basic principles behind them never change.

I am thankful for Raelyn, I do not believe I could survive without her.

The war moves forward and although momentarily, from the Prophet and other sources, it appears to be moving in our favour, I dare not trust this. There is within me a deep fear that it will turn around again. That I will be left staring into the face of darkness and that there will be no escape. And worse, I will be forced to watch as each one that I love is dragged into the mire until they can be seen no more.

It is late, and I should sleep. Wormswood and asphodel perhaps-if I can only not wake Rae when I return to bed.

Current Mood: awake awake

I am staring out my window at Muggle tourist mingling among the street musicians.

Clearly I must have inhaled a few too many potions fumes.

Current Mood: weird weird

Knocked over a sleeping draught, proceeded to lap it up as if it were some sort of butterbeer, and laid itself out on my papers.
Exceedingly irritatingCollapse )

The grey fiend is now dead to the world.


Rae, I quite agree that we need to do something this afternoon. I may go insane otherwise.

Current Mood: restless restless
Current Sounds: Binx snoring - yes, cats snore... apparently.

It is at times like these, immersed in the joys of actual research, that I wonder why I teach. I don't enjoy it. Rare are the students who actually grasp the intricacies that are demanded in brilliant potion making, and in my entire career I can count on fewer than five fingers the number of students who sincerely showed promise of exceling in the honourable craft.

Currently I have aproximately one who might show promise and even then it is uncertain.

The Prophet has been mildly entertaining the past few weeks. It seems that the entire wizarding world has no concept of what to think except that they must disagree with each other ardently. One person writes to the editor that Fudge is a nitwit who must not be trusted and the next day we have a second letter to the editor that decries the paper for speaking so highly of Fudge who is a Muggle lover and harbours the notions of fools. On that particular case, however, I cannot disagree with them. The entire paper is full of the notions of fools; that these letters get printed at all is a clear sign of idiocy among the editorial staff. Fudge is a politician, no less, no more. He goes where the money is, clearly, and now that it has been shown that money is aligned with Dark Lord he is back peddling wildly to see if he can't save his own skin. But when the end comes that is all he's really interested in-saving his own skin.

I suppose nobody told him that people who choose their actions only based upon saving their skin may lose it more quickly.

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Current Mood: busy busy
Current Sounds: Binx chasing something in the corner

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It is somewhat unusual to be spending summer holidays away from the castle. I must confess I've never done it before.

I've spent most of the past few days chasing Binx away from my desk. The grey fiend appears to think that the top of my desk is the only place that he can sleep which keeps messing up my research. This really needs to be taken care of if possible.

Cat fur is not an essential ingredients for most potions.

Current Mood: okay okay

An official pardoning in no way makes up for a lifetime of sins.

Now that the halls are once more quiet and I am unburdened with the nasty process of handing out punishments and detentions, I may turn my mind to the tasks for the summer. Certainly, there are enough of them.

I have a good deal of research to work on this summer.

Lupin, we should talk.

Current Mood: busy busy

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Empty halls.

These words are all synonymous with summer and peace. I do hope you all have a pleasant summer away from me. Please feel no particular hurry to return.

I can walk to the library and back without developing a headache. This night gets better and better.

Current Mood: relieved relieved
Current Sounds: Silence. Glorious Silence.

I dislike seeing her this way. So quiet.

It's not unlike she was after she got the Owl from the Dark Lord in November or after Roderick tried to kill her. And I wish there were more that I could do, but I don't see what it would be. I have taught her everything I could to help her to defend herself. I've pushed her harder because of the knowledge that she will be targeted because of me. She's as capable of defending herself as is humanly possible.

Her house is warded more strongly then a Death Eater's hide out. I've used a variety of charms, securities, hexes, and curses in protecting it. I've tried to draw from as many varied sources as possible. I will not make it easy for someone to break into the grounds.

I will protect her every way humanly possible.

But I cannot protect her from fears or nightmares. From insecurities, and from terror. And even with all of our caution, Roderick nearly succeeded in pulling her away from me forever.

It remains to be seen where Roger's true loyalties lie. I hope that he is telling the truth, but I cannot guarantee it. In the meantime, I can only hold Raelyn, and tell her not to be scared of something that may not happen.

But if it does...?

I will not leave her. Whatever happens, I must stay by her side to protect her.

Current Mood: determined determined
Current Sounds: Raelyn's soft breathing as she sleeps

There is simply no way that I would miss today's testimony.

Even if it will make me nauseous.

Try to handle the excitement Lupin.

Current Mood: indifferent indifferent

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There has been a good deal of discussion over the past few days regarding Lucius Malfoy's trial.

I attended the trial yesterday. There is no funny business with Veritaserum. I am a potions master; I know my potions.

Veritaserum is the strongest truth potion that anyone can use. A mere three drops will have every person spilling their darkest and most mundane secrets. For anyone who might harbour some misinformed conclusion that Lucius Malfoy's confessions might be coerced by those who would like to see him brought down, I direct you to page 435 of Moste Potente Potions which reads as follows.

Se Verithuerum soþ potion is inn of se strongest serums available. Se use of this syndrig potion sculinn næfre beon butan cinre or butinn geþoht hu in mere þrie feallan willa habban se wizard who ingests sem andswarian ænig questions that ænig oser wizard would ascian.

Verithuerum is se swiþ serum that can beon made, and it willa override ænig oser suggestive spells, potions, or charmes. Its only wac is with memory charmes. In wizard who hhu beonen placed under in severe memorey charme willa have difficulty remembering se soþ and willa beon seen to stammer thus indicating se likelihood that se soþ hhu beonen removed or blanketed within his memorey.

For those of you idiotic enough to have no understanding of the Old English, I have included a translation in slightly more simple terms.

"The Veritaserum truth potion is one of the strongest serums available. The use of this particular potion should never be careless as a mere three drops will have the wizard who ingests them answering any questions that any other wizard would ask.

Veritaserum will override any other suggestive spells, potions, or charms. It's only weakness is with memory charms. A wizard who has been placed under a severe memory charm will have difficulty remembering the truth and will be seen to stammer, and stare blankly at the questioners involved thus indicatingthat the truth has been removed or blanketed within the wizards memory."

As I attended the trial yesterday I can attest to Lucius Malfoy's mind being entirely there. However, as usual, the facts matter little to people who are not inclined to believe the truth, and so I suspect there are a number of you who will continue to believe that Lucius Malfoy has been treated poorly.

Unfortunately for you, your beliefs do not create fact and they do not create truth.

We stand in the middle of a war that will split the Wizarding World from top to bottom. There are two sides: One seeks truth, freedom, justice, and liberty; the other will enslave you. There is no turning back to the days where the world seemed much more innocent except to trade our freedom for submission to ignorance and darkness.

There is no excuse for such.

You will each make your own choices but do not be deceived. It is not difficult to slip into darkness, to blind yourself by well meaning reason until you have reached the point of no return. Do not be so foolish to believe that you may flirt with such darkness and come out the other side alive. Regulus Black stands testimony to the foolishness of such youthful belief in immortality. The Dark Lord gave the order to have him killed-he could not be bothered with such an insignificant follower to kill Black himself. Do not fool yourself into believing this will not be you.

There are no rules in a dictatorship save one: If the leader demands it, it will be done. No one individual pureblood, muggle born, or half blood is safe if the Dark Lord decides he wishes them dead.

Choose this day your sides, where you will stand, but do not do so believing that if you march into the night that you will reach the morning. Your choices will have consequences. Lucius Malfoy will attest to that.

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Current Mood: indifferent indifferent

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I will be out of my office this afternoon.

Current Mood: cold cold

The end of term is fast approaching. To our seventh years who will be leaving us, please leave more quickly. For my OWL students, there are some of you that I cannot say how much I hope you have failed so I no longer am required to put up with your idiocy. To the rest of you, try not to kill yourselves over the summer although I cannot say that I shall miss your noises, pranks, and ignorance during the next few months.

I believe it is safe to say that I shall be out of my office much over the next few weeks. Although my testimony was not requested, I do have a certain amount of interest in the upcoming trial for Lucius Malfoy and will, therefore, be making some trips to London.

None of you should rejoice too loudly over this however, as I will still be marking parchments with the full expectation of quality that I always maintain. Do not expect higher marks simply because I will be grading many essays away from my dungeons.

Lupin, apparently you have been keeping secrets from me. We should talk.

Current Mood: satisfied satisfied
Current Sounds: Soon the blessed silence of no children in these halls

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[Viewable to Raelyn and Bill Weasley]

Congratulations to both of you, we have pulled off precisely what we wanted to pull off. Now it's simply a matter of making certain he stays there.

I spoke to the Headmaster on Sunday evening and he has made certain that the Aurors and the Ministry do not shirk away from duties in guarding Malfoy. Currently, as there is no public proof that Malfoy has done what he is charged of, I cannot imagine the Dark Lord would send his Death Eaters marching into rescue him-this would only confirm what everyone is suspecting. However, it's possible that he may realise that Dumbledore will press for Veritaserum and consider the gain in having Malfoy returned more than the loss.

Although, when I think about it, Lucius' strength in the Death Eater circles was always his ability to make it through things unscathed and to give the Dark Lord access to the Ministry. I think there's only the smallest of chances he'll make it through this unscathed.

Weasley you should have yourself a drink, or whatever it is you younger people do to celebrate these days. Job well done.

And of course Raelyn and I shall have a celebration of our own.

Current Mood: accomplished accomplished

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Absolutely nothing to be done but wait.

It's a bit like working on a potion. One has added all of the ingredients, measuring precisely, taking into account the reaction each one will have on the other, and then one stirs the cauldron and waits.

The Minister has signed off on a raid-hopefully without realising what he was signing off on if Malfoy is not to know about it-and now it remains to be seen what is found. If this does not work, then we will be directly back to the empty cauldron only with more difficulties than before as Cornelius Fudge will stand up behind Lucius Malfoy and there will be no removing that belief in him.

I have forgotten what empty chambers feel like. It's really something rather pleasant to have forgotten.

Current Mood: optimistic optimistic

If I have to read one more poorly written parchment on Truth Serums that apparently the fourth years in this school think pass for well written, I shall personally see to detentions. It is entirely absurd the amount of knowledge that I have attempted to pass on to you all over this year, and how little you have actually retained.

I am unimpressed.

Current Mood: annoyed annoyed

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New Journal layout.

The colours are in no way indicative of my current frame of mind.

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Current Mood: content content

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Preparations are ready as planned.

Raelyn and I have been over every curse and hex and charm we could lay fingers on.

There had better be no more mistakes. I refuse to be part of an organization that cannot succeed.

Current Mood: productive productive
Current Sounds: Bach Preludes

I believe there is not much more to be done. I have spent every free moment during the past week looking over the parchments, maps, and books that deal with potential spells, hexes, and curses that Malfoy might throw our way.

I believe it likely we will find most of his information in either his office, or the storage room he was so fond of. Raelyn's been a quick learner when she did not know the charms; Moody has been called away to London on Auror business and will not return until late next week. Of course this means that we are lacking a member of our team. Dumbledore has insisted that we take Bill Weasley with us. I remain less than thrilled about the notion, but then I was less than thrilled to take Moody with me as well.

I think it is safe to say Raelyn and I have come to the only decision we could come to. Some things must inevitably wait.

Current Mood: busy busy